Modern-Day Angry Black Men
What once used to be secrets kept in the depths of our hearts has now grown into a public outcry for acknowledgment, accountability, and healing. As of late, it seems as though a lot of black women have been publicly outing their abusers and shedding light on how much they truly were made to silently endure.
Although these black women are being nothing short of courageous by walking in their truth, it’s been heartbreaking to see the amount of victim shaming and blaming that has been dished out to survivors. It seems as though the protection of black women has been reduced to being a cool hashtag because when it actually comes time to do so there’s always an uproar from a certain type of black men.
We know the type.
He walks around resentful because the first experiences he had with some of the black women in his past have left him jaded. He swears that all black women are alike and are on this raging campaign to destroy the black man by any means necessary.
You can catch him degrading the “females” because of his inability to properly heal past those that may have caused him trauma earlier on in his life.
His inability to take accountability for his healing journey has resulted in the black woman being public enemy #1 in his eyes. No matter what the situation may present itself to be … somehow he can always show you exactly how the black woman is at fault.
Never mind the fact that he came from a long line of black women that more than likely faced their own atrocities while standing in the gap for black men.
Never mind the fact that he’s watched black women struggle to cope in front of him his entire life. He associates black women with struggle and strife so he has normalized black women enduring and tolerating the worse of the worse.
The dangers of angry black men are grave because it's often rooted in bitterness and misogyny that leaves black women and our community unsafe and disregarded.
A few days ago, I found myself scrolling on Instagram early in the morning when I saw the headlines of Gervonta Davis being arrested for domestic violence. The caption read :
“ Damn females be putting these boxers over the edge. Hold your head champ.”
Instantly, I found myself angered that a black man was condoning domestic violence and blaming the victim for taking necessary actions to ensure her safety. Before deleting him from my feed, I found myself commenting :
“It's giving you’ve more than likely abused women in your life and found a way to justify it. Some of y’all black men hate black women and need to just say it. Y’all love to romanticize other abusive men and need to leave women alone. Disgusted with this post.”
I would only be mortified when I went onto the Shaderoom and saw my own cousin tweeting his support for Gervonta by questioning the validity of the domestic abuse taking place based on the 911 recording made by Vanessa ( the victim). Don’t worry … he was also blocked and deleted from my page.
When I saw my cousin’s viral tweet of approval, I instantly thought about the type of man that he is. This comment came from a man that prided himself on not dating black women because we are “ghetto”. This same black man went on to have a baby with an Italian woman that left him for another black man. He was undeniably bitter because not only did he get left but he has been denied access to his son for years. Of course… women deserve no mercy in his eyes let alone a black woman.
A few days of victim shaming and blaming later, Vanessa would put out a long statement on Instagram saying she made an “unnecessary call to law enforcement” and was never in danger. She took accountability for her “ role played in the incident” and stated she and Gervonta would be going to family counseling before deleting her Instagram page.
When police are called for domestic violence arrests are typically made when there is physical proof that the assault took place. According to the incident report, Vanessa suffered a small abrasion on the inside of her upper lip after being struck with a “closed-hand slap.”
As a survivor of domestic violence, I instantly melted into the floor for this woman. I instantly recognized what Vanessa had done but the retraction of her abuse added more fuel to the fires of her victimization.
Even though Gervonta Davis has a long documented history of abusing women that includes videos, pictures, and arrest history (much like many of these black men that have been publicly outed by their victims), angry black men were thrilled by the retraction of her abuse. Many commentaries swirled around advising black men to be careful when dating women that only want them for their money or how black men need to be leery of black women on a path to destroy their lives.
I don’t proclaim to know every detail of what happened (as I was not there just like the rest of the world) but what I do know is that deductive reasoning and accountability are seldom a part of the conversation with angry black men. The only interest they hold is in being able to prove how an abuser was provoked to abuse his victim.
For 2 years, we watched as Megan The Stallion was placed on trial by the public for identifying Tory Lanez as her shooter. I watched as so many angry black men and angry black women came online and made baseless accusations that this woman was a liar.
After the guilty verdict was rendered, there was a release of evidence that was unknown to the public prior to his conviction. Even with recordings, pictures, and phone conversations further proving that Tory did in fact shoot Megan …. there were still people denying the obvious!
Megan automatically lied to protect the very black man that could have killed her. So much so that it was used against her to debunk her trauma. The real shock is the members of the black community acting as though lying to law enforcement ( even when we are the victims) is a foreign idea that wasn’t instilled in us as children.
What happened to Megan was not an anomaly. In the black community, we often victimize criminals by minimizing their criminal acts and marginalizing the survivor. We’ve seen this occur countless times within the black family when sexual abuse takes place. We’ve seen this countless times when black men are arrested for crimes that brought detriment to the community.
As frustrating and disgusting as these times have been the reality is that the mistreatment of black women is at an all-time high for many unfounded reasons beyond our control. Even still … we don’t deserve inhumane treatment from the very men that we consistently protect because of their blackness.
I find it exhausting to engage with angry black men because conversations with them normally involve projection, placing blame, and no real effort to provide solutions that could bring unity between black women and black men.
I wish to take it a step further and state I will no longer engage in any type of conversation with an angry black man that isn’t focused on him seeking therapy to uproot that anger that has led him to be okay with black women being abused by black men.
I’m most afraid that these angry black men are often fathers of black girls that will become black women. Mysgonistic angry black men raising black girls is a recipe for disaster that will take years to heal from. I only hold an interest in deprogramming these black girls so they don’t grow up basing their values on the bitterness and toxicity of their fathers.
Too often angry black men are not interested in bridging the gap between black women and black men. Angry black men are only looking for more reasons to justify their anger for black women. Their search to justify their anger by any means necessary is intertwined with them normalizing black women being abused.
It's very important for black women to carefully choose the men they surround themselves with. Many of these angry black men have somehow managed to mask their disdain for black women through their active pursuit of us. Their disdain is often overlooked until conflict arises and you’re able to see how much they don’t mind mishandling us.
Despite my own negative experiences with angry black men, I pride myself in never buying into the narrative that there are “ no good black men”. It’s simply not true and the men that are a part of my life have played a major part in that being a fundamental belief that I hold.
Within the black community, I think it's very important to choose between being a part of the problem and being a part of the solution. I’ve chosen to be a part of the solution by recognizing that as a black woman it isn’t my job to convince any black man that I am worthy of being protected and respected.
What these angry black men fail to realize or choose to neglect is how so much of their beliefs and treatment of black women have aligned them with white slave owners. Sadly, they have willingly become the new oppressors of black women.
Every adult has the choice to shift their mindsets and grow if they really wanted to. Angry black men have found their identities within their trauma and are actively making the choice not to heal because they wouldn’t recognize themselves without their painful narratives.
It isn’t a black woman’s job to coddle angry black men into healing themselves at the expense of our own healing and mental health. Our only job is to heal ourselves and remain far away from the typical angry black men.
